my schedule (and that crazy confusing Communication community)

I had a pretty intense week.  I felt tricked by Labor day, because even though it meant I didn't have to teach, my other responsibilities were unchanged.  So, after playing for most of Monday, I clicked into panic mode and didn't really click out of it until after my Thursday afternoon seminar. 

My classes this semester are going to be pretty good, I think.  One, from afore mentioned favorite person on campus, on Aristotle promises to be challenging, but fundamental. It is my largest seminar to date, with something like 16 people in it from several disciplines. Should be good.

The other class I am taking is called "Communication in Context" and should also be good. We started by discussing genre theory--which was kind of fun, because I have studied it before and felt less lost than I typically do at first.

It's funny: my community college experience was in Speech Comunication, but neither rhetoric or Aristotle were ever mentioned. (Ha!)  Then, for my first degree in "Communication"--which I chose because of "communication" in speech communication--was only tangentially related to the communication I was introduced to in CC--and I ended up studying the social science instead of the discourses of communication (i.e. rhetoric) that I may have found more interesting.  But, I was clueless.  I just wanted a degree. Only now, finally, and after two more degrees in English, are the treads that originally interested me in Communication crossing back over (and by now, I mean in the last several years).

I mean, the English field has some disciplinary issues, but holy cow: Communication? I mean, Speech Comm here at the U of I just dropped the Speech and folded itself back into the conglomeration that is Communication studies... how do they keep their action straight?   (All that was to say that I think that my Comm class is going to be great--and right in line with my interests over in Writing Studies.)  

on finishing short novels whilst sitting under a tree

Today marked the official end of summer for me.

I know, I know. The semester offically began on Monday, and I have been working at least full-time hours for the last three or four weeks, but I didn't actually have a seminar until today. Granted, that seminar is with one of my favorite people here, but you know--it means that I have to officially set aside my own reading--most of which has been fun, some of which has been challenging.

I was able to take a brief moment today, before said seminar, and finish one of those books under a tree in the middle of our busy quad. Frisbees were being tossed, shirtless dudes were tightrope walking across their little tree-tied strap, sun shined, ants crawled (on my arm) and it was a moment. What a pretty place and what a pretty time to be in this place. Oh, and the book was Steinbeck's Tortilla Flat which is simply hilarious (and a bit tragic).

Without really realizing it, to conclude my first full summer in Champaign, along with reading a book about Monterey, CA (one of my favorite locals), I also happened to listen to the Beach Boys's Sounds of Summer: thirty songs of unadulterated, reverby, 3-part-harmonied, beachiness. (Which was followed, incidentally, with the Beatles White album, which is quite the lovely opposite.)

Despite the busyness, it has been a good summer. It had some amazing moments--but I hope to actually make it out of Illinois next summer.

Year One

We've been here a year--actually about a year two weeks. I am so pleased with the experiences that we have had since driving across the country with all of our earthy belongings from arid desert to humid heartland.

Here are the highlights, by category, as they come to me:

School (generally speaking)

I had no idea what to expect when we came to grad school. I mean, I had an inkling, but I didn't--couldn't--know what it was going to be like. From the moment I arrived on campus for orientation last year, I not only felt great about what I had gotten myself into, but I felt something I didn't expect: an immediate and overwhelming sense of friendship. My college experience before coming to Illinois was very much a singular experience for me. I didn't live in the dorms as a freshman; I got married in the sophomore year of my first degree; I had a few people I knew on campus, but never really had friends in my major. I was not your typical college student.

And, really, I'm not your typical grad student either. With three kids, I know my experience is a bit different than most of my fellow grad students. But, I've (I should say "we've" here--this is a team effort, right Tina?) been able to hang. The people here have really been what have made hanging a pleasure. Grad students and professors alike, I wonder if other people in other programs know what they are missing.

The Town

We have a good friend who just moved back to the mainland from Oahu where they lived for about three years. We feel a little bit like they did: on an island in the middle of the sea. Moving from the west was an adjustment for us--one that we are still getting used to, I think. When I say that we've been here for a year, I really mean it. We haven't gone anywhere (I did leave town for 48 hours to attend my Grandmother's funeral in April--but that barely counts as being away). We have been down to St. Louis, up to Chicago and over to Indianapolis (oh! and a cool trip to Nauvoo over spring break), but we haven't actually gone home. So that's been a bit hard for us and for our families. We have, though, been visited (in some cases more than once!) by most of our immediate family. We also got visits from nearly every one of my favorite friends some point during the year. Amazing.

That said, we really love it here. Really. I'm not joking. We came from the land of urban sprawl. It would take 30-45 minutes to get anywhere interesting. Here, everything is close. There are parks, events, music, farmer's market, friends--everything!!--all within 5-10 minutes from home. Amazing! We really love the town and feel like it is a great place to bring up kids. The coming year my oldest starts kindergarten, so we'll see how that works out. The humidity is a bit obnoxious from time to time, but really, weather like the stuff we've been having in the last few days, makes up for it. And I actually kind of liked the winter.

Music
Andrew Bird, Headlights, Jimmy Eat World, Bon Iver, Jeff Tweedy, Mates of State, Radiohead--and next month, Chris Thile and the Punch Brothers, and Yo La Tengo. Enough said.

Academics

It's been a challenging year for me intellectually. I repeat, it's been a challenging year for me intellectually. But I'm surrounded by support. "Learning the field"--especially a field as diverse as Writing Studies--is a challenge, but I have been met with several surprises. I love that my program allows me--encourages me, even--to take classes in several departments and subjects. I've already had several "interdisciplinary" experiences--I'm looking forward to many more.

People

I've alluded to this already as well, but we couldn't ask for a cooler community to belong to. Both Tina and I have made some great friends. And my kids? Well, both Seth and Maryn are doing just fine in the social department.

Year Two?

This next year is going to be a good one; I already know. I'm gonna take me some seminars. I'm gonna teach me some students. I'm gonna work my way through some tough scholarship. I'm gonna read me some graphic novels. I'm gonna learn me some lap slide.

Thus ends the long-form, once-a-month,(cough)boring, blog style that readers have come to expect from the guide. Expect, heretofore, a more abbreviated blog--not quite in the microblog "tweet" format, but with inspiration taken therefrom.

Fasting and Feasting

In order to maximize productivity, and in the name of curbing some of my distractions (oh all right--my biggest distraction) , I am going to try an experiment next week. Starting this evening, I am going to seriously restrict my internet usage for one week. By restrict, I mean that I am not going to use it for anything except work (which would entail email and using the library for research). Even with my email, I am going to designate "email check" times--maybe three times a day near meal times. I am one of those people who keeps his email inbox totally free of unread items, which means that I am constantly checking it. It's pretty ridiculous, actually.

The biggest "sacrifice" will be leaving my Google Reader RSS feed aggregator alone for the whole week. I rarely surf the internet anymore, preferring to have my interests sucked nicely into a common place via rss feeds. But I have A LOT of subscriptions and get hundreds of updates every day. I probably spend at LEAST an hour throughout the day cruising through them. Next Saturday, when I break the fast, I'll post some stats on how many unread items I have. My guess? I think it will be well over 1000.

What am I going to do instead? Read. I have several books I need to read in addition to the articles assigned as part of my regular week's work. A friend of mine (in my cohort in the program) and I were talking about the difficulty of diving into scholarship in the field without much theoretical training to support the jump. We were both Lit majors and started the program without MAs, so swimming through professional scholarship can be a bit rough, especially when those scholars base their arguments or use as examples prominent, complicated critical theory. For example, in my current study of Visual Rhetoric, many of the articles that I am reading site semiotics, structuralism and post structuralism as important theoretical concepts for their analysis. But if I have never done much study of those theories (and considering that even the theory that I have done some study of is very abstract--as theory tends to be--and therefore difficult to completely grasp), it makes reading the article very difficult. I suppose this is the case for a lot of new graduate students, so rather than complain anymore, I am going to take on the problem on my own. In the future, I am going to have "theory Saturdays" where I spend at least an hour on the weekend away from the assigned texts of that week and focus on one or two of the theorists mentioned in the readings. Summer will also be a good time to get my theory on...feasting on knowledge.

But since it's crunch time, I just need to read as much as I can all the time, thus the timely fast. Fasting from food, as I know from past experience, always gives me a feeling of (hunger) cleansing clarity in my corporeal constitution, so I am hoping this will do the same for my mind, man. Groovy.

What blogging is like for me... (a reader survey)

Writing...we're all doing more of it, aren't we fellow bloggers? I am now halfway done (ok, maybe 3/8ths) done with the writing I need to accomplish by late next week. This past week's writing was tortuous. Really, really hard--the kind of hard where it takes halves of hours to write single sentences.

That kind of writing is difficult to get through. It becomes not fun. It threatens to engulf your sanity... and it really did engulf mine. Brain power was lost to the extent that I lost my PDA one day and only a few days later lost my wallet. These are costly tragedies for another post. (Wallet search swallowed up nearly a whole work day yesterday to no avail--PDA search will resume on Sunday when I return to the scene of the crime-of-memory).

As I start the writing for my last project, which is also my first serious seminar paper proper and I am hoping to have a different experience. I want to have some fun with this business because the subject is right for it (see below), the professor is open to fun-serious approaches to topi, and I really can't endure another week of brain wringing. I mean, it was my PDA and wallet last week, next week by this time I could very well be leaving the house without any pants on.

My writing project on the plate for the next 7 days, is really an extension of what I was trying to muddle through in this post a few months ago. Which means that it is about the very thing that I am doing right now: Blogging (specifically, genres of personal writing on the web)--and here's where you can help, dear readers!

I am interested in examining the following questions and your takes on them would be very (very!) useful:

1. Do you imagine your blogging to have an underlying theme?
2. What is it about blogging that is attractive to you? What makes it worth your while? What "work" does it get done? In essence, why do you blog?
3. How much do you worry about your posts--what you write, what not to write, who you might offend, etc. and connected to this question--do you think much about how others may perceive you via your blog? (this may be especially true when you think about people who you may not have ever met who read your blog and get a sense of the "you" presented there.)
4. How often do you read blogs of people you have never met? What attracts you to those blogs, for which there is no real "communication" factor involved?
5. Finally, do you use any kind of rss feed reader to view your blogs (do you even know what that is?--if not please indicate)? If not, do you use tool bar bookmarks--or just links from the blogs you read to the other blogs you read?

Sorry. I know that is a lot. Feel free to answer only those that you want--but the information that you doll out will be very useful to me so, if you have the time, put some thought into it!

UPDATE! Found the wallet this evening in the one place that we hadn't looked because...well you'll see why. I went in to Jonas's room to get him a belt, and saw something dark in the crib. Who knows how it got in there--just glad that it was and not in the hands of some, dark, dishonest stranger .

In search for a genre: a blog in crisis

There has been relative radio silence from the Guide (I’m taking to referring to my blog in the third person) in the last few weeks. Understand that it is not from lack of things to say. Rather, it may be attributed to the relative plethora ("Effe, would you say that he has a plethora of piñatas?") of things to say, share and talk about, but the absolute lack of time to say and share them. So for this, dear readers, I apologize.

We are entering the second month of school out here at the UIUC and me and the Academians (yes, I just made that term up) are up to some serious no good. Well, okay—there is actually much good to be said about what is happening here. Which leads me to the first (and only) topic for this evening’s humble post:

I am taking this cool (if mindblowing) class in Genre Theory. In it we have been reading theory about why and how genre is a (sometimes) useful way of classifying and organizing text, action, speech, etc. It’s got me thinking about the genre of this here blog. It’s feeling kind of random for me. Part of the reason that I am feeling this way is that I don’t really have a clear idea of its readership, yet I know that it is no longer just a vacuum blog with no audience whatsoever (it used to be that way). I’ve been teaching my students that composition, to be effective, should have a clear idea of the intended audience. Some blogs do a really good job of this kind of “audience awareness.” Tina and her friends have a nice blog circle going. Michelle, too, seems very aware of and secure in her blog genre. Other bloggers, while not necessarily doing the blog-as-a-way-to-keep-in-touch, organize their blogs around some sort of central theme or rhetorical purpose (I’m thinking of you in particular here, Brandon). I like the idea of blogging within a genre—it seems to give a certain pointedness and purpose to the prose. Blogs that fit within a certain genre somehow communicate more clearly. Maybe it’s because the reader doesn’t have to peruse through the writing to decide if a post has something that they will be interested in. They already know that it will—previous “generic” experience has already proven this to them (and for those of you only used to seeing the word "generic" in a retail situation, work with me here).

This isn’t to say that bloggers like Michelle and Tina only blog about one topic (although they may). Michelle, as most of the readers of this blog will know, blogs about a variety of topics, from Zane wrangling, to gardening, to (most recently) sewing and textile design (which she may not think that I take notice of or think is cool—but I dooo (read that last part like Nacho Libre)). But there is something unifying about the prose that exists there. Perhaps it is Michelle’s personality, wit, writing style (most likely a combination of each of these) that makes the blog compelling to read. Whatever the reason that we read it, it retains certain generic elements that provide readers with expectations for what a new post will contain before we ever click on it. Would you agree (and thanks for letting me use you as an example Shell). A lot of folks’ blogs that I read and admire in the wide world of the academe have similar unifying generic undertones in their blogs. Many of them (actually all of them) are liberal arts professors or grad students, so a common theme in their blog writing is, um, writing (what they are working on, what they hope to do future work about, how their projects are coming along, dissertation progress, etc.). Many of them have other (often related) interests which see some light from time to time—and usually these interests are totally awesome and hilarious (I am thinking specifically of Spencer’s “Found Friday” series.) But usually (I may even go for that “always” change again), those interests outside of what may be considered academic, are interesting in that they serve to give clues toward their personalities—perhaps (and especially when we don’t know them as well), to make more “human” connections with them. That's always nice.

Anyway—that is a lot to say to get to my point which is basically this: I don’t feel like my blog really has a very unified genre that it fits within…and I kinda wish that it did. It is attempting, at once, to be a family, friend, academic, music, food, faith, book review, art, & random funny stuff blog. It has no real sense of audience, I think. If we took a poll, I think we would find that the majority of my readership is family—there are a few of my closest friends sprinkled in there (though I think that you might be the only one reading, Mat), and perhaps one person in the academic world reads (thanks Spencer). If I have left you out, don’t be offended—only let it add to my continued struggle for some sort of understanding of who I am writing for.

Part of me wants to say that I am writing mostly for myself. But I think that isn’t really true. We write, usually, not just because we have something to say but because we have something to share—and that would require (by necessity) an audience. I do maintain an offline journal that I am trying to be better about writing in for the writing that may fit into the former genre. That solves part of the problem, I guess. I’m also thinking about the future of this blog space. Over the next few years, there is the potential of this blog being read by more of my peers within the academy. Especially if I publicize it as a space where I am talking about academic things. This, in many ways, puts pressure on what topics I should or shouldn’t entertain. Maybe it shouldn’t—but it will. Anyone who blogs is aware of the sensitivity that a real audience requires. Who, for example, has ever posted something—maybe even a sentence—and then deleted it? Who has ever deleted a comment? Self censorship seems like a kind of sad state to be in. But I really think that it is a reality for all writers to at least some extent.

Maybe faithful readers of the Guide will say, "No, Jon. Just leave it be. You don’t post that often anyway." And maybe you’re right. But I can’t help the thought that my mom is just not going to care about the Andrew Bird concert that I went to Friday night that I want to blog about. My brother Nick (and perhaps many others) probably didn’t get this far down on this particular semi-academic sounding post (if you did, Nick, way to be man. Way to be.). And there are other, potential future academic colleagues of mine who may have a passing interest in my home life, but potentially not in long descriptions of family vacations (like the series that appeared here over the summer). Taking the idea of “faithful” readers in a different direction, my interest in and pursuit of faith is something that surely puts me outside of the academic blog norm.

So there you have it: a blog in genre crisis. I am considering several alternatives—though the most obvious (multiple blog spaces) just doesn’t seem to fit at the moment. There are other ways to manage the variety of topics that I mention above--tagging is one obvious way. But even that doesn't solve the tension that I feel when I write about all the things that are of interest to me for a (maybe too) diverse audience. Never fear, I will continue as commenced until I figure this out. Until then, dear readers of the Guide, endure.

Update: After talking it over with Tina, I think I may move to two blog spaces (though that still sounds a bit presumptuous to me). Details to follow.

relieving the pressure

So, I took down poor Miss South Carolina's botched response. Is it fair to say that something like that could happen to any of us? Perhaps not to that extreme, but my intentions of putting her up weren't so much to poke fun as they were to attempt some kind of tele-empathy session. Is it any wonder that we fear public speaking more than we fear death?

Anyway, I finished up the first full week of classes (the first week that I speak of below was really only 3 days). Things are going well, I think. Though the pacing/routine hasn't yet solidified. Once that gets in place I think that I will start to feel more productive.

We've been in Champaign a month now. I have to admit that the fun "newness" has begun to fade. Which is good, I guess, because in it's wake is the feeling of familiarity and home. We know how to get around town now pretty well. We have a few favorite treat shops. Campus also has begun to be more familiar as well. I have done some exploring, begun studying in the same places (so far, the best reading place I have found is in the reference section of our Main Library--nice soft chairs, computers nearby for hourly email check/fix).

I think that the "newness" feeling may return once the weather begins to cool down significantly. It's been 20 years since I lived in a place where it snows. I don't even know what it is like to have to function productively in cold weather. My only exposure to cold weather since our move from Logan has been in vacation visits to my parents in Wyoming and Utah. And how did I handle the cold weather while there? By staying indoors and watching many movies. I remember the one time that I attempted driving while there was snow on the roads. It was during an attempt to start the trek home to Arizona from Utah. When our car slid off the road down the street from my parents' house, we drove back, got out of the car, and stayed for three more days.

First week: check

(continuing the "number of..." mantra from last post)

Number of actual seminars attended: one

Number of hours spent reading for that one class: 12 (this sounds bad—I guess to my defense, I have been reading really easy fiction for the last six months and my break from academic reading shows. I assume this will get better. :flexing intellectual muscles:)

Number of classes that I haven’t been to yet of which there is bound to be much more complicated, theoretical, reading to muddle through: 2

Number of class periods taught: two (so far so good!—I amazed myself and rattled off each of their names on the second day.)

Number of times attempted to get over to gym to figure out swim schedule: 0 :( (this week!)

Number of really cool, outdoor social or community events that I have attended and enjoyed with my family in the last week: 3 (this is significant because is surpasses the number of events comfortably attended in August during our YEARS in Arizona)

One little side thing to mention: I am wondering when meeting with and talking to the professors that I admire in our department will feel less like hanging out with rock stars. I hope it doesn’t fade too quickly. Since they are also so nice, hanging out with them makes me feel like I am FRIENDS with rock stars. Pretty much my boyhood dream realized.

More updates as they come…

the Champaign Campaign continues (a multimedia presentation)

We have been in Champaign now for 16 days. In those days, 3 is the number of times we have gone out to eat at Chipotle as a family (I've been one more time than that)--shout out "thanks!" to Wendy here. 3 is also the number of times that we have patronized a certain custard shop right down the street from us for 1 and 2 dollar ice cream waffle-cones. 3 is also the number of times that Seth has watched Star Wars in the last few days. He has decided that he is over his fear or the live action movies and is especially into "A New Hope" because it has both the Millennium Falcon and the X-wing in it.

The last four days for me have been spent in a new grad student orientation. One of those days it was just a general session (this is how many years you can expect to be here before receiving the PhD, this is how we support our students, this is what grad student life is like, etc.). The last three days have been teacher training days. I am teaching one section of Rhetoric 103 (basically Writing or English 101--maybe later I will go into the details of how they run freshman composition here). It has been good. My particular session has been with four other incoming grad students who, like me, have already had some teaching experience. So I am currently thinking a lot about the syllabus and class expectations documents that I am going to have to have ready when my class begins on Wednesday. Overall, I would have to say that I am very pleased with the people, the program, and the particulars of the department and campus. I have office space wherewith I can commiserate/share ideas with other students who are teaching the same material as I am. I am excited to being teaching and hope to have some fun experiences to share.

One of the things that was said numerous times at our first day of orientation was that a graduate student's first obligation is to their coursework and second to their teaching. There was some talk about how it is easy to let teaching be the thing that gets a lion's share of the time and resources devoted to it, because it is the thing that provides immediate rewards. Also, when you are teaching, there is no hiding if you are under prepared. You can hide out in a class that you haven't prepared for as much. This seems very true, and will be difficult to balance. I am much more confident (duh!) about my abilities in the classroom as a teacher than I am in my abilities in the ever-scary graduate seminar (class). I picked up several of the books for some of the classes that I am taking, but really had to rethink whether I wanted to take one of them merely by the materials that were required for it. This one class had more books (and tough materials at that!) required for it than all of my other classes put together! So, I am dealing with those kinds of anxieties.

I have been walking a lot. The institute parking lot that I have been parking at is clear on the other side of campus from the English building. My shin muscles especially (maybe because of all the stair climbing?) are sore. Either next week or the following, I will be making frequent visits to the gym. Maybe then I will stop feeling so out of shape and round. :)

There have been a few frustrating moments this week that have added a bit to the already stressful nature of beginning at the University. The picture below is a representation of one of those frustrations. At the beginning of the week, my old, indestructible Powerbook started giving me trouble. Basically, the little female adapter started coming loose so that it wouldn't recognize the male adapter when it was plugged in. Since the battery is already shot, this little problem caused it to completely loose its charge, eventually making it impossible to power up. I thought that maybe I could fix it (if you are laughing right now, don't worry, you're not alone. Somebody else seems to think that I am the antithesis of "handy"). I went to Home Depot and bought my first soldering iron.

After what had to be an hour I finally got it to the state that you see below. Getting that little chip out and accessible was nearly impossible. You can see the little thing that I needed to fix sticking out in the middle. Sure enough, it had come unsoldered from the circuit board. I did what I could to reattach it and thought that I had been successful, but when I put it all back together, it still wouldn't work. Mat thinks I may have fried it with the soldering iron being too hot. I can imagine that happening because everything is so close together on the board. But still it stinks. Having that computer was super useful (and I am ever-so gracious to Mat for hooking me up with it in the first place). A new laptop, while it will happen eventually, is a little ways down on the list of current necessities, so I'm gonna have to make do without one for now.

Here, however, is a Home Depot success story. While we were there looking for the soldering iron, I came across several wall-hanging devices that I thought might work for my guitars. Space is limited here, so i thought it would be cool to get a few of them up on the wall. I found these broom/outdoor appliance hangers for 6 bucks and they do the trick quite nicely, I think. The acoustic guitar body is too deep to work, so I've got a little tribute to Fender going on instead.

We have done most of the picture hanging in the house by now. I am particularly pleased with how these pieces look--thanks, Mom, for the perfect IKEA frames.

Finally, one of the very best things about being here is that fresh produce is super-accessible. Yesterday we went to the Farmer's Market in Urbana and got some fresh tomatoes, cucumbers (small like the should be!), corn and onions. The tomatoes especially are delicious. We are looking forward to growing some of our own next year.

I had a proud moment at lunch when I made what was already destined to be a delicious BLT all that much better. We used spinach instead of lettuce, added red onion, two kinds of tomato, and right before eating it, Tina was cutting a pear and I thought, "ah-ha! that would be so awesome on it too!" And it was. Here is my first (hopefully of many) food pic. We were trying to figure out what to call it. B-Stop? (bacon, spinach, tomato, onion, pear).

p.s. I am not the biggest fan of the band "the Fray." I have kind of played them off because of their huge commercial success. I don't know. Maybe it's the dude's haircut. But I don't know that I can diss/resist too much longer. A few weeks ago when I was driving the huge Penske truck back to the Penske place, their song "Over My Head" came on the radio. There have been moments lately when I feel this same way.

Come on feel the Illinoise

Sears Tower pictures
Chicago looking northeast

north
Champaign church (Stake Center)
English building at UIUC

place we will probably live...(still working out the details here--notice the picture changed)

Riddles

Well, I read Bourne Identity for about 100 pages... eh. I'm sure it's a great book. I just kept thinking--I'd rather just watch the movie. Pretty lame for those of you who might have actually read it through. Oh well.
I've switched to the Asher Lev book and must say that I like it much more. The protagonist doesn't wield any handguns with silencers and there haven't been any car chases yet, but--well--what can I say? I get just as much excitement from a book about religion and art. Snob? Probably. The book has more great stuff about the paradoxes in life--especially religious life. It mentions riddles on several occasions and one that I liked was this (each phrase has a different answer and each has to do with life):

One I don't know
The second I don't see
The third I don't remember

I'd be interested to hear some of your guesses. I am horrible at riddles, but I know there are some smart people in this family. I'll post the answer in a day or two.

As most of my readership (of 4) knows, I got an unofficial acceptance from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York today. I was telling Tina this evening that RPI is probably tied with UT Austin for my top choice as their program emphasizes nearly every aspect of rhetoric and communication that I find most interesting: visual rhetoric, graphic design, web design, etc. The riddle here is that tuition is over 30K a year, so we can't afford to go there unless we get funded; we might not. Only 6 students are offered funding of the 12 or so admitted. There are other riddles: Troy, NY is part of the Albany 2nd Branch (gulp) and Troy is 2,500 miles from Tucson and 2,200 miles from American Fork. The move alone would be a monumental undertaking in and of its self.

But can I just say this? I got accepted to something prestigious. It feels really good.

Let's go away for a while...Holiday update

Tonight, finally: a lull. It has been a busy season. Classes ended for me on the 15th, and with what I thought would be another successful semester in the hole (and it was! Straight As and summa cum laude are now mine!), I started the process of—one by one—finalizing my applications for graduate school. Wisconsin Madison, Pitt and the U of A were all due on the 15th, Rensselaer was due on the 1st and I tossed the application for Texas in the mail this afternoon (hoping that the Ford holiday doesn’t foul up the postmark requirement). It has been a good time here in Tucson—though it’s hard not to miss my family during Christmas. Here is an excerpt by Dave of a letter to Scott on his mission that sums up a lot of the holiday activities:

Well, we had a snow adventure yesterday. With all the rain (and consequently snow) recently there was a bunch of snow on Mt. Lemmon. We had gone up to Mesa Friday for a doctor appointment for Maryn and went to the temple. On the way back to Tucson, we stopped at Matt and Mindy’s house and they loaned Tina a few things for the snow; boots, gloves (“glums” Seth calls them), bibs and a cool sled which is like a boogie board with handles. So we left home about 3:30 and passed hundreds of cars pulled off the side of the road as low as Bear Canyon picnic area. We trudged on up to the Mt. Bigelow road to the meadow there. There weren’t as many cars there but the road was icy and we drove up as far as we could and then parked and walked a hundred yards or so. You might recall that the meadow is in the shade and when the wind blew, the snow on the tree branches came down on us. Yeah, it was cold. But Seth loved it and rode down the hill on the sled with Jon several times (he made a snow angel with Rachel too). He would dig his heels in at the bottom to stop and spray them both with snow. I took Maryn down a short version of the hill and she liked it too. Jon HAD to start at the road above us and go all the way down by himself. When he hit the first bump he caught some glorious air and landed hard on his coccyx (pronounced “kok-kicks”). He was injured… injured bad… and is sore today. Carlie and Trevor came up and met us there and Trevor rode down the hill a couple of times. It was very fun but Seth was very sad that we did not build a snowman. But it was getting colder and dark (and Mom and the sisters had about had it) and the snow was pretty powdery. Besides, we pretty much had had all the fun we wanted to have. At one of the pull outs someone had made a very cute snowman and people were lining up to have their picture taken beside it (On the ride down we drove into the sunset up to a long line of cars lined up at the Houghton/Catalina highway intersection. Maryn screamed the whole way. My theory is sore ears from altitude change. But when we got home Mom made TWO kinds of soups to warm us up (clam chowder and ham and potato). Yum.

We have been doing some serious chillaxing here these days. Playing Mexican train (a domino game), Settlers of Catan, Apples to Apples, watching DVDs, playing Nintendo (including Mom’s favorite, Tetris), staying up late, getting up late and eating… a lot. On the Jon Stone Coke Zero can count, he is currently at about 35 for the vacation. He is hoping for a record. He also is rockin’ on Picmin 2 (a game he claims he bought for you last time they were down—it was only $10 at Circuit City). This week we are going to paint over the drywall repairs that Handy Manny George made for us and probably put the decorations away. Seth loves to play Nintendo. Just give him a controller (plugged in or not) and he will have a great time. He also loves the DVD “The Polar Express” and we have already watched it while drinking hot chocolate. It’s his new favorite movie.

Anyway—back to Mesa tomorrow. The Illinois application is due postmarked by Friday and then it starts again on the 15th. Writing these letters and spending so much time looking at the University websites and faculty articles that have been published is making me excited at the prospects of getting in somewhere. Every school that I have applied to has its virtues and so far I haven’t felt like I have wasted any time or money (though the money thing is huge—I figure that by the end of the process it will have cost us as much as a semester in school costs to apply to grad school.). It’s hard not to dread the possibility of not getting in anywhere. Another seminary-like rejection. We found something out, though, recently that helped to curb some of that dread. We discovered that school districts in Texas hire teachers for almost 10K more per year than they do in Arizona (around 38K a year) and housing there is half as expensive. This perked me up a bit—all that I have really wanted in all of this is to have a job that I enjoy that pays enough for us to be able to buy a house and not have Tina work. So, it looks like we have a very viable plan B.

So that is the update. Stay tuned above for the best of 2006 entry. Coming soon.

Radiohead dissertation pipe dreams

I haven't posted in a while. I have been so busy with life and school and such. As I am finishing up the first two of the fifteen graduate program applications (University of Wisconsin, Madison and University of Pittsburgh: both due Dec 15), I came across this posted on one of Madison's student's web logs:

And I’ve often had the nagging thought that one could, if one wanted to, place the trajectory of Radiohead’s career up against my maturation as a reader. Not unlike the recording of the sounds in Brandon’s room as they wound up superimposed over Pablo Honey. (These are the thoughts of super-fandom—thoughts that, once written down, aren’t just cringe-worthy, but are downright sickening). I’ll admit it, I’ve thought to myself: “The narrative impulse behind the traditional rock formula that drives The Bends speaks to my realism-driven style of reading, one that requires texts to be clear, well-framed windows onto a coherent, objective event. You know, like folksy, narrative rock songs. OK Computer complicates this in interesting ways by not only providing a commentary on our contemporary hyper-media-saturated frustrations, but by also experimenting with more expressive and performative venues through which to enact those hyper-media-saturated frustrations. Kid A messes with this even further by embracing the artificiality of our hyper-media-saturated historical moment and providing opportunities to occupy expressions that are simultaneously deliriously happy and frustratingly violent within that constructed environment. Meanwhile, Amnesiac and Hail to the Thief ask us to shape responsible ways of living within those hyper-media-saturated conditions.” Oh, yes, these are the artifacts of super-fandom.

All this is to illustrate the shape of the Radiohead essay I’ve always wanted to write. Since I’ve been thinking about dissertations a lot lately, I’ve thought about the essay in even grander ways: a book with chapters each dedicated to one album, unpacking each song in ways that provide a method for reading that we would be able to see a younger Adam beginning to shape. It would be BuildungsRoman meets critical theory. Then I blink those thoughts away.

Not until I recently read an article by Mark Greif in n + 1’s third issue (an older issue, I know, but I’m slow to these sorts of things) did I think I could write that essay in a way that would make anybody care. I found myself reading his essay, “Radiohead, or the Philosophy of Pop” with skepticism at first, thinking to myself, dammit, why didn’t I write this?! Then, on second read, I began to see some of the approaches he makes toward Radiohead as, well, downright honest, tiny gems.

There’s an unrest present in Radiohead that many are quick to notice. They have made an art out of packaging panic and using the soundscape of popular rock against itself, while trying to identify what sort of will listeners can retain while complicit within that soundscape. My results often end up something akin to a cynical shrug: yep, contemporary pop music is damned, so I might as well go down with the ship. Rarely do I get the satisfaction Greif manages to carve out in his essay.

He puts his finger on it, I think, when he uses Hail to the Thief to illustrate how Radiohead tries to coax the listener into not just commentator on, but as active participant in the political ramifications inherent in a media-saturated culture mediated by the artificiality of the modes used to provide form to cultural artifact. Radiohead isn’t just saying “look at how screwed up it all is;” they’re also saying, “learn how to ‘consume’ responsibly.” I find this very helpful when listening to Radiohead on the bus, after a long day at work, using their music as a form of escapism.

I’m just wondering, though, if such a philosophy comes equipped with a methodology coherent enough to provide way(s) of navigating such consumption. Or if its enough for a philosophy of pop merely to point out that we must, in some nebulous way, be more responsible consumers. I’m uneasy with both of those positions, but feel as if the repercussions are far-reaching and important, well, necessary to fashioning a philosophy of pop. All this is to say: how can a philosophy of pop provide a method that doesn’t expire with the relevancy of the pop (music, culture, etc.) used to construct it?

This is the kind of stuff that I hope to one day be able to write. Even though he is almost in jest--it's still awesome.

Mickey Mouse Goes Camping

School is finally out… big phew. I think that I must have spent over 100 hours working on the paper that I turned in today to Dr. Perry (Milton). Today was version 2.0, Friday was the Rhetoric paper and version 1.7—having been through three separate rewrites with Vernon at the writing center (you bet I am going to use every resource). Anyway, I am feeling o.k. about things. If I do well on the paper, I might possibly get an A in Perry’s class and therefore gain access to a good letter of recommendation.

Anyway, two cute things happened this last week with Seth that are worth mentioning. The first fun thing was that I told him that we were going to be able to go camping for our ward’s Father and Son’s outing. I was explaining all of the different things that we would be doing—setting up a tent, going to the mountains, sleeping in sleeping bags. He was so excited. But then he got perplexed and said: “Daddy, what is a sleeping bag?” So cute. So I showed him what a sleeping bag was and told him how we would unroll it and put it in our tent and sleep in the mountains. He then said, “Daddy, if we try to sleep on the mountains, won’t we just slip off?” Clearly this boy needs a good camp.

Second, a few nights ago Seth was walking around with his hand cupped, as if holding something. We asked him if what he was doing. He said that he was holding “Mickey,” as in Mickey Mouse. It was classic imaginary friend material. He would ask him questions, set him down, pick him up, speak for him, etc. So, what do I think about this?

Mickey’s going camping, baby.

revisted

The previous post has been hanging ominously at that top of this blog for a few weeks now. I have thought about writing something else just so the announcement of stupidity is subordinated by something else. But I can't help but continue to muse, unhappily on the topic. I do this for a few reasons. The first of which has to do with that feeling again being present today as I sat at the back of my grammar class. How can I feel so lost after sitting in the same class for 3 months with people around me who really seem to have caught on? What makes me different from them? So I can feel sorry for myself about this for a while, and I do.

But then I have to think about it from another perspective: How many students will I teach in the future who will be feeling this same way? Are we a majority or a minority? I think that (due to the same people always speaking up in class) that we have to be at least a small majority. I guess what I am saying is that as long as I don't let the "feeling of stupid" keep me from pressing ahead (which it, sadly, has done at times), then I have to remember the feeling—those of us on the cusp of knowledge, indeed, those of us who feel the chasm, are those who are the most humble and therefore the most teachable.

Jonathan Stone’s Statement of Academic Goals

(here is the personal statement that I included today in my scholarship app)

Part of the undergraduate experience includes a sort of intellectual flailing in the rough waters of indecision and ignorance. The foil of the equation, namely decision and intelligence (hopefully leading to action) then becomes the rescue boat which, if found, carries the student toward a clear academic agenda. Finding this life boat took some time for me, but after nearly ten years in the water, I’m secure and sailing towards my goal: a tenure-track position in the field of English at a major university.
My experience in the modern academy is extensive, having attended five institutions, taking degrees from two of them, and currently being poised for two more from ASU. Because of sheer time spent, the university has lost its intimidation factor, which has given me the opportunity to view it for what it really is: an intellectual marketplace. More importantly, I see it now as a place where I really do fit; against the odds, I actually enjoy academia. In other words, I have moved from the busy market’s sideline—I now buy and sell everyday.
As a consumer of the academy, I have developed certain tastes. These tastes have been aged and informed by the time that I have invested into the institution. And like any critic, I believe that my tastes are unique, teachable and have a context that is applicable. So, when I say I want to teach English at a major university because I love to read and write, there are a variety of richer subtexts that accompany this somewhat trite declaration.
My experience in the system has led to much more careful choices, which has also led to a more deliberate academic experience than I had in my flailing days. For example, I know that I want to teach literature at an advanced level, but, because I am not yet there, I have sought out select classes that will allow me to interact with and learn from the best intellectual minds that our English department offers. I have moved away from taking classes merely for credit, and now have ulterior motives which have lead me to seek out more rigorous courses, this semester focusing on Rhetorical theory, advanced work in Milton and literacy studies. I find the process of decoding texts to be rewarding intellectually, and the scholars with whom I have selected to study are the expert decoders and deal with some of society’s most complex theories and texts. Likewise, I see myself as an advocate and teacher of writing and its many complexities, processes and theories. Accordingly, I have positioned myself in classes where those theories are taught and in situations where I can practice applying these ideas. Furthermore, I am currently the Online Writing Lab manager for the Polytechnic campus’ writing center and work everyday in person with students both applying these theories and honing my own understanding of composition practices.
I see in academia a need for better teaching, so in addition to my formal English studies, I have begun a diligent study of pedagogy. By the time I enter graduate school, I will have accumulated hundreds of hours teaching in real English settings—something that my peers will only be beginning to do when graduate school begins.
As I mentioned, my studies and instruction have led to an interest in the decoding of texts and a fleshing out of the many writing practices. These activities provide contexts for greater social questions and concerns. In other words, my studies have given me a broader perspective of the world and my place in it. This fact then also gives perspective for what teaching these subjects can do for the students who it will one day be my responsibility to instruct. I am committed to these students’ successes—they need not flail as long as I!
Finally, as I have tried to provide some of the subtexts for my scholarly interests, and speaking to my last point, I find within each of these areas, both writing and decoding texts, very specific needs to advance the academic conversation by the production of meaningful, student relevant research in the varying fields of English. As Barry Brummett, a rhetorical theorist, explains in his article Rhetorical Theory as Heuristic and Moral, A Pedagogical Justification (1984), the first audience of our research will always be our peers in academia, but our primary audience should be our students. They are the ones who will be wandering in their masses out into the society of which we profess to be scholars.
And because I am still on this side of the podium, “they” is still me. Thus, my primary goal after graduation becomes to spend the next six or seven years of my life in a respected graduate program where I can thoroughly gird my learning. But, I am encouraged now because my sail is set; my vision has cleared, my intentions have solidified, and I have already entered the discourse.

From time to time

Intimidation in advanced Literature classes is inevitable. There are always plenty of smarty-pants' as well as genuinely smart people in the class that seem to know more about the subject than I do. Or at least understand the discourse enough to sound articulate when they talk about the literature. I can usually combat this tendency with either becoming a smarty-pants myself, or by actually learning the subject well enough to make meaningful contributions to the academic discussion going on. I am having trouble doing so in my Milton class. If you have read Milton you know that he is prolific, complicated and very dense. My professor, a Harvard man, is a smart guy--and I took the class more because of his reputation than because of a Miltonist impulse. So far, just feel dumb. I don’t feel like I am among friends, and there are probably 50 people in my class, so shining brightly enough to encourage my instructor's praise will be a challenge.
*
Dr. Blasingame wrote me a nice letter of recommendation yesterday for a scholarship. He also mentioned that he knows some publishers in Utah, one of which is very famous, whom he said he would be willing to submit a finished manuscript from me. He has been such a great support to my budding interests in really all things literary. It’s got me thinking again about my short story series about my San Francisco mission experience. He mentioned that in order to submit something to these dudes, I would have to have a finished product...something at least 300 pages. I maybe have 25. Probably not even that, but still, I have started thinking about that again. I would like to significantly expand this work. I think that I will take a creative non-fiction class this summer, in fact I would really like to try to make the project part of my summer activities, among GREing, and finalizing where will be applying to grad school.
Anyway, I really have only written about two areas of the mission (the Mission and Palo Alto), and neither with a whole lot of detail. There is a ton of stuff that I could explore:
Petaluma, Marin, Foster City, the Sunset—let alone the some of the substories: Crabtree, Mclane, Hall, The Great Fall, etc. So anyway, encouragement sure is nice. From time to time.

Blueprints

I am in the process of rethinking this blog space. I just don't have enough time to be a critic I guess. I think that the far more interesting topic (at least for me) is whether or not a man of my intellectual deficiency can hope to get into a good English PhD program. That is my goal, and while I recognize up front that it is a lofty one, something drives me toward it. So off I go.
The question becomes whether or not this is a Kamikaze mission. It may be. There are definitely no guarantees, but this is where I stand as far as I can guesstimate:

1. The GRE- I am going to have to take this test for what will be the fourth time. Pretty sad, but the truth of the matter is that I need about a hundred more points on this bad boy to be in a competitive place.
My Score: 550 (Verbal)
Needed: 650.
Plus there is the whole issue of the English Literature subject test. Also known as the hardest test on the planet, even among current English doctoral candidates.

2. The letter of intent/personal statement- This little 2 page piece is the one chance that the multitudes of stuffy professorial types have of getting to know you. My last attempt bordered on the “exactly what not to write in a letter of intent” variety, now that I know a little about it. This piece, if done right, will not be easy and will be very time consuming. It becomes my task to personalize 10+ letters in a way that will make me seem like the best candidate for the particulars of that university. In other words, in principle, my letters to UC Irvine and the University of Washington will need to be very different. I need not only to show their board that their school is the perfect fit for me, but also that I am the perfect fit for them—that I will add something significant to their institution in my 6-7 years on campus. All that, and help them get to know me. Sheesh.

3. The single most important document that you will send (so the experts say) is your writing sample. I took Milton and Rhetoric this semester almost with the pure intent of both using the paper that I write for both of these classes as my sample, and getting these tenured professors to write me letters (which actually deserves the #4 here, but I will just mention it parenthetically instead). I am confident that these papers (after undergoing numerous rewrites in the writing center) will be the strongest piece of my application and will hopefully outshine my dismal GRE scores.

4. Finally, I am hoping that this double major thing that I am doing will also make me stand out. When I finish, I will be certified to teach English in High School and will have X number of hours experience in the English classroom to my name. I also have my past experience of teaching ancient texts from my seminary days, plus I have my current experience in the writing center, to boot. This has to mean something in the eyes of the graduate committee that will read my application.

And, if all else fails I will still have a job to start in the Fall of ’07 (hopefully).
So that is it. That is my plan of action. Currently, I am investigating my many school options. My plan is to go through at least the top 50 and see if I can’t find the best fits. We would be SO excited to go to a California school, and all of the UCs are great. I would also (Tina, not as much) to go east. Brown, Duke, Purdue, University of Chicago, all have great programs that might be a little too green for my pasture. But I’m not counting any out yet!